A while back, I spent the day at my daughter’s house with her and her family. After I left, I had such a feeling of blissful peace come over my entire body.
I began to reflect on how much she and I had been through personally and with our own relationship and my eyes swelled up with tears. Today was the first time ever she had invited me to spend the day with her at her house and to have dinner.
Our relationship had become so marred with hurt, pain, disappointment, and bitterness that we could not even talk to each other without getting in to a full-blown argument.
For those of you who have had a close relationship with your Mother and your daughter I’m sure it’s hard for you to understand how we got here. Hell, I was confused myself and struggled many years, many tears and many sleepless nights trying to figure it out.
I met an amazing woman a few years ago, by the name of Lorelei Robbins. Lorelei began pouring into my life in a profound way. She once told me “don’t look outward, look inward.” I didn’t understand that at all. I wasn’t causing my pain my daughter was, or so I thought. In every situation she taught me that trying to understand why someone did what they did or why they did it was a valuable waste of time and energy. She said “you can’t change anyone, but you.
As I began this journey of self-reflection, accepting responsibility for my actions, and working on myself I began to understand what she was trying to tell me. When I choose to stop blaming others and realize I have control over how I allow others to treat me and control over how I react to life in general that those things will begin to change. In other words, “when I change the way I look at things the things I’m looking at will change.”
Today was an absolute confirmation of that. I stopped blaming my daughter for everything and chose to totally focus on my actions and my words. I changed the way I viewed, thought, talked, and treated my daughter and slowly but surely those same changes started showing up in her.
It hasn’t been easy but being able to spend quality time with my daughter talking about the new baby that will be here any day, going through all the baby stuff, laughing together and the excitement that was between us is more than my heart could have ever imagined.
After I got home, we exchanged some of the sweetest text messages we ever have. I am so proud of the women she and I are becoming. I say becoming because we never truly arrive. We are always growing and learning. It’s a process.
Accept yourself, love yourself, look inward not outward, believe, hope, pray, accept responsibility for your actions and know that you are love. Just keep on keeping on and one day you will see the change.